Right There
by hiddensecretxc
Summary: Kendall leaves his relationship with Carlos and everyone else behind without a trace. 2 years later after deciding he made a wrong decision, he returns to LA. But he comes to find out that he has been replaced. KENLOS. OC from Victorious.
1. Flashbacks and Memories

**A/N:** My story has been voted for Best Jarlos on BTR FF Award's profile. Just go to there most recent story to the newest chapter, and see how to vote for **His Possessive Side**. It would mean the world to me! Even if I don't win, it's a privilege being nominated again!

* * *

**Flashback**

Kendall Knight thought he had it all. The best band, the best friends, and worlds best boyfriend, Carlos Garcia. Every morning, he would love seeing his beautiful and similarly angelic face of his. It was the best part of his mornings. Just to wake up and touch him, his body, his face, or any part for that matter was just a blessing. Kendall and Carlos never fought often, but when they did, it was about something stupid. Carlos would always want to try one his 'stunts' that he would think to try out and when Kendall would refuse for his safety, that is where they would have a problem. Kendall would usually win the argument.

Kendall was sitting at the kitchen table talking to his brother Donald on the phone. Everyone had left to go dinner shopping and Kendall chose to stay home.

"So why don't you just come back?" His brother Donald said through the phone. Kendall just felt like ending the conversation that had been going on for about two hours now.

"Because that would mean leaving everyone I love here, especially Carlos. And he doesn't deserve that. I don't want to hurt him." Kendall responded.

"Aren't you tired of fighting with him? Aren't you getting tired of always protecting him? Fucks sake, he is 16 and he acts like a six year old. How does it feel to be dating a six year old, Kendall?"

Kendall couldn't help but agree with his brother. He was getting tired of always protecting Carlos from the future destruction that he would cause if he let him have his way. But at the same time, he loved do it. He loved it like it was his life. Kendall just sat and thought.

"Kendall, we miss you. You, mom, and Katie. If they can't come back it's fine. We need brotherly time anyway. And even Yuma misses you. Do you not want to see little Yuma?" Kendall knew what game he was playing.

"I know what you're trying to do, Don. Don't play that guilty card on me."

"I'm just saying! Look, I will give you two weeks to think about it. If you want to come back, I'll book a plane ticket home. If you don't, I wont bring the subject up anymore."

Just then, Mama Knight, and everyone started to come through the door, making Kendall jump of his thoughts.

"I have to go." Kendall said before quickly hanging up the phone.

Finally.

"Hey, Ken. Who was on the phone?" Mama Knight said, coming in with a bag full of groceries and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"Oh, just Donald."

"Really? What were y'all talking about?" She said. She laid the bags on the counter and started to take them out, one by one.

"Oh you know, just our boring ol' lives." Kendall joked.

Kendall was done talking with his mother. He knew the longer that they would talk about the subject of he and his brother, one thing would lead to another and eventually she would find out what they were really talking about. His mind started to wander about the Latino that hasn't came in the room yet. It was very unlikely of him since he was always the first one.

"Hey mom, where is Carlos." Kendall asked, ready for the raven to come jump in his arms.

"Oh he saw someone he knew downstairs in the lobby. He might be still down there."

Someone he knew? What does she mean by 'someone he knew'? Mom practically knows everyone and she wouldn't just say 'someone he knew' unless she didn't know them. I immediately dashed for the lobby. Call it jealousy, call it curiosity, but I just have to find out who this 'someone' is. I didn't bother taking the elevator so I just headed for the stair. I ran, maybe jumped, down four steps at a time. and right when I was out of breath, I reached the lobby and instantly saw Carlos. Talking, laughing, and jokingly touching with the unknown guy. But I am not sure if his intentions were similar as Carlos'.

I quickly started to approach them. "Carlos," I say, changing my walk to dramatically fast, to casually slow.

"Kendall, hey what's u-"

I stopped him right there. I connected my lips with his and started to move them. I really just wanted to show the guy who Carlos _really _belonged to. We continued this for about 13 seconds until he pulled away. I could see the red started to creep into his lightly tanned cheeks.

"What was that for?" He asked.

"Just wanted to show you that I love you." I said, well I half lied. I guess you call it that. "So who is this?"

"This, is my old friend Beck. We were really good friends back in Minnesota when were going to school there."

I don't like how he said _really _good friends. ME AND CARLOS were _really good friends _and look how that situation turned out now.

"Beck. Beck Oliver." He greeted himself, reaching to shake my hand.

Even though I didn't want to, I did it anyway.

"Kendall Knight." I greeted in return.

* * *

I didn't like the way how they were laughing and joking with each other. It was obvious that anyone who saw them knew that they used to date. I didn't like that. I also didn't like the fact that this 'Beck' guy allowed MY Carlos to do the stunts he wanted to. He could have gotten seriously hurt if Logan wasn't around. Thank God that he was in the elevator at the time.

"I'm here!" Carlos said coming into the apartment making his presence known.

"It is almost midnight. What took you so long?" I asked. Just curious.

"We were just catching up and we lost track of time. What are you watching?"

I know I shouldn't say this, but I felt like it just had to be said.

"Carlos, I don't like you hanging around with Beck. He can get you seriously hurt."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean he is bad news."

"Just because he wants to do things that you don't want me to do?"

When Carlos feels offended, he always takes things to another level. I trained myself to deal with it sometimes, but for some reason in this case, I couldn't.

"You know what, Carlos? Get hurt. I really can care less at what you do now at this point." I say, looking back at **iCarly **on TV.

"Well at this point, you're being an ass." Carlos swears, which he doesn't do often.

I just lost it then.

"WELL AT THE BEGGINING YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN AN ASS. I SAVE YOU FROM EVERY LITTLE CATASTROPHE YOU CALL A STUNT, AND YOU NEVER REALISE IT! ALL YOU DO IS COMPLAIN EVERY TIME YOU DON'T GET YOUR WAY AND I AM TIRED OF IT!" I shouted.

I know he doesn't like being yelled at, and that came into my mind a the last minute. Part of me felt sorry for him, that I actually yelled at him. But the other part of me felt like it was true and I just needed it to get off my chest.

I flumped on my bed dramatically. Why cant he just stop being stubborn for one and listen to me? I know I have had my bad judgments in the past but I have a strong feeling about this one. My phones suddenly starts to vibrate in my pocket. I don't even bother trying to look at the Caller ID.

"What?" I ask.

"Attitude much?" Donald says from the opposite side of the phone.

"Sorry," I say, correcting my tone. "me and Carlos just got into an argument."

"That's like your tenth argument with him so far."

"I know." I say. He's not wrong.

"What was it about?"

"It's a long story." I reply, too lazy to fill him in on the details.

"Well, why don't you tell me on your way over here to Minnesota?"

I instantly felt the urge to throw the phone across the room. I would, but, this is a new iPhone. Ugh.

"I'm not going."

"Kendall! Come on. Just for a week."

I paused. I guess I could go to see him for just a week. That's not too long, right?

"Just a week?" I ask.

"Right. Enough time to relieve you from your stress." Okay it's not really _stress_. It's more like... uh, okay it's stress.

"Fine. I'll go tell mom and-

"NO. Don't tell her. If you do than she will want to come along. Then Katie would. And then Logan, and then Carlos. That kind of defeats this purpose. We'll tell her after."

He had a point. Everyone will understand right?

"I'll think about it." I said fastly before hanging up.

I got up from my bed and contemplated with myself for a little bit. It'll be just for a week, not like it's a total year. I made my decision and got a packing bag that was stored in my closet, and filled it with clothes and accessories such as my skinny jeans, to bars of soap. I looked in the mirror and fixed my appearance as best as I could. I left the room and immediately saw Carlos sitting at the bar in the kitchen with his forehead down. It looked like he was crying. My heart instantly broke into pieces.

I thought about telling him that I was going to the gym, but I thought that it was best if I saved him the trouble of me speaking to him. I walked and left the apartment, silently closing the door behind me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out my iPhone and dialed someone from my Favorites lists.

"Hey, Donald? How fast can you book that ticket?"

* * *

**Kendall's POV: Two Years Later (Present Day)**

I had everything I needed. My luggage was being processed and I was getting my carry-on when I head the airman of the airport.

"Last call for flight 254 for boarding, last call."

I got my carry on and started to go through the gate toward my plane. Once I was on, I started looking for my seat. I was supposed to have another person sitting next to me, but I guess they haven't arrived yet. I put my bag in the overhead to store and took my seat near the window. I started to pull out my iPod so I had something not to keep me so on the flight, when a beautiful long haired brunette sat next to me.

"Hi." I said to her.

"Hey. What's your name?" She asked, bright eyed.

"Kendall Knight. Yours?"

"I like that name," she said. "Oh and mine is Tori. Tori Vega."

I like that name too.

"Everyone, this is your airman speaking. Please take your sets and buckle yourself in your seatbelt. Please make sure all devices that may interfere with the plane are off." He said.

It's weird, because this plane has WiFi.

"Flight 254 to Los Angeles is about to deport." He said again through the intercom.

* * *

**Authors Note: First off: **I am not proud of this chapter. I felt like I was lacking in the 'making things more detailed' department. THUS making me go on my break. I think I am overloaded with school too much that I wrote some of this without thinking it out. And if you were thinking, yes, Kendall is still gay. I hate saying that word. I don't know why. I have no problem with them though! I LOVE THEM! Anyway, **REVIEW, FOLLOW, and FAVORITE **please!

-hiddensecretxc


	2. Coming Home and Feeling Replaced

**Authors Note:** Okay I am finally off from my break. I'd like to thank everyone for reviewing and PM'ing me. Everyone who I'd made friends with, I say this repeatedly, but it really means a lot. I feel like whenever I am down, I can trust all of my fanfiction friends and express with them like I have a personal journal. _*hint hint* __I_ know this sounds sappy, I am sorry. Well I will stop my babbling and get on to the story!

Make sure to tweet my step brother if you like this story! He helped me write it. /Rawrfacexc

**Kendall's POV**

* * *

Though spending time with my brother was nice, I felt like it was time to go back home. And by home, I mean back in LA. Minnesota is great, but I just missed the nice sunny weather, the beach, and especially all of the friends I've had back in LA. I felt like more than just a part of me were missing. When I arrived to Minnesota, I thought I would be relieved to be there, and that I could actually get away from all the nonsense, but it wasn't long before I knew that the 'nonsense' from everyone that I thought I hated was the one thing I missed and loved. He understood my decision and paid for my flight back to California and told me that he had a great time catching up with me and not to be a stranger.

We did have some great moments together.

I didn't listen to my iPod at all. Instead, me and Tori just talked and had gotten to know each other better. I told her everything. Practically my whole life story and she told me hers. She was acceptable about my relationship with Carlos and didn't seem uncomfortable like I thought most people would. I felt like besides my brother, I could actually establish a bond with her. Quicker than it takes me with most people. She told me that she goes to school in Hollywood called Hollywood Arts. She told me all about her friends and family; especially her sister Trina.

After the seemingly short 3 hours, are enjoyable plane ride had came to an end, and I knew eventually we would have to part ways.

"So, how do you think he is going to take it?" She said, getting her carry on from the overhead.

"I don't know. I know that I don't expect him to run in my arms like they do in the movies."

As much as I wish that would happen, I know it wouldn't.

"Do you think you need some support?"

"You would do that?" I ask. I mean, I have only known her for a few hours.

"Yeah. I think I have some free time on my hands." She said.

I really appreciate her coming with me. I honestly can't think that I could do it alone. Having to return to everyones bombarding questions about why I left is going to be difficult. I talked to my mom from time and time though. Even though I haven't told her why I left. I guess all I can say is, I'm just glad I could have someone by my side.

* * *

My heart was racing faster each time I would make a step. And each step I would take, was each step closer I was to everyone I left behind. Something deep in me wanted to press fast forward and skip to the part where everyone can live and be happy again. I knew I made a stupid mistake, and I regret that fully. But I don't think I am ready for all of this. Yet.

"Kendall."

A part of me wanted to turn around and hide and reject all of the-

"Kendall!" I hear Tori snapping me out of thoughts.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" I ask.

"We're here."

I looked up and seen that we were at the door of the 2J apartment. I raised my hand to knock, but then I lowered it to ring the doorbell. But then I raised my hand and balled it to knock. But I had failed to when my hand wouldn't come in contact with the door.

Tori reached over me and rung the doorbell.

"Thanks." I said, giving her a smile.

She just smiled in return.

The door opened quickly and out popped an excited Logan. I was about to say something, but the huge 'Welcome Home, Kendall" banner immediately caught my eye, losing my train of thought.

"Kendall!" James shouted as he pushed Logan out of the way and pulled me into an embracing hold.

"Hey James" I hugged back.

"Who's this?" He said, noticing Tori behind me.

"Oh, this is my friend Tori."

James let go of the hold he had me in and greeted himself to the brunette behind me. Even though he was an open bisexual, no one could ever tell by his persuasive charm.

"Logan," I said, helping him of the ground and pulling him into a hug like James had me in.

The thoughts of everyone bombarding me with questions were finally dismissed from my head. I finally felt like I was back home. I guess it not where you are that makes you feel home, but the people you're surrounded with. I guess it took me this long to notice.

"We missed you man. Come inside."

I stepped foot inside, and saw Katie, mom, Jo, and everyone else waiting to greet me with more hugs. I was excited to see them and hug them to. Excited to see everyone. But sadly, everyone wasn't there.

Carlos was missing.

"Kendall, honey," mom said walking up to me with a kiss on the cheek. "How was your flight? Was it okay?"

"It was fine, mom." I answer.

"And who is this?" She asks, attention on Tori.

"Tori Vega." Tori greeted, reaching out her hand to shake my mothers.

"Nice to meet you, Tori. You can call me Mama Knight. Everyone else does anyway." She says.

The thing about family is that they not only try to make you feel at home, sometimes they make your friends feel at home too. I like that.

"Even though we are all happy to see you, we need to finish up setting the table. So why don't you go catch up with the boys, at the pool or something y'all like to do?"

I have to admit, I was pretty shocked. She usually doesn't condone us hanging out downstairs because we usually end up causing havoc to anything. I guess things have changed over the two years.

* * *

It was 7PM and we were all gathered around at the dinner table. Mom baked all, well, _most _of my favorite foods. She always tries a new dish for each special occasion she learned from the cooking channel and most of the time it is a complete disaster.

Don't get me wrong, I love to see everyone here, but I was getting more anxious to see Carlos. Everyone was here except for him.

"So Kendall, how was Minnesota without us?" Logan said. It was apparent that he had missed home too.

"Well, it was- good." I say trying to find the right words to describe my...trip. "I liked that I had gotten to see my brother and to see how big Yuma has gotten."

"Why did you leave anyway?" James admits.

I knew I was going to hear that question sooner or later from someone.

"James," Mom warned. He just gave that _what did I do _look in return.

"No, it's okay." I said.

_Quick, try to come up with an excuse. _"I left because-"

Just then, the door opened disrupting me from my train of thought. Thank God.

"I guess I'll see you later then." I hear a voice say.

I wasn't close enough to get a fair view of who was at the door, so I had to play it by voice.

"I guess you will." Said another familiar voice I remembered all too well.

Carlos.

He was looking at the floor and biting his lip. I know what that means.

"Carlos, where were you? We have been trying to call you all day?" Katie asks.

"Sorry about that, I was just hanging out with-

He finally looks up and his eyes catches mine. I feel like the whole world had frozen behind us. Like someone finally granted my wish from earlier and pressed the pause button on life. I could feel that he was feeling the same emotions I was at the moment. The same emotion we felt when we finally started dating each other. Other than surprised, something told me that the emotions he was feeling, wasn't for me.

"Beck." He said, finally finishing his sentence.

**No POV**

"Take a seat." James said, offering the last seat next to him.

"No thanks, I already ate and I feel a little bit bloated and I really got to-

"Doesn't mean you can't sit here for Kendall." James interrupted mid-sentence.

Carlos surrendered to James and took his place beside him.

James was staring at Carlos as he moved his chair more towards the table.

"What? Do I have something on my face?" Carlos asked.

"No." James responded. "Should you?" He raised an eyebrow.

Carlos rolled his eyes towards the inappropriate remark.

"So Kendall, did you finally meet someone?" Mama Knight asked.

Carlos immediately felt uncomfortable with the topic.

"Well, yes. There was this guy named Dak. I met him at the supermarket and-

"I need to be excused," Carlos said.

Carlos excused himself from the table and left towards his and James shared room. There was a moment of awkwardness and silence remaining at the table.

"I'll go see what's bothering him." James spoke shifting the silence and his presence.

* * *

**Authors Note: **I write A LOT of authors notes. I have just noticed how a lot of them in my stories. Anyway, I feel like the next chapter of this story is going to have more of me in this story. I have already started writing. Have you noticed, when I write, how after (Character A) and (Character B) finally see each other after a wait between them, I always write something about how the world freezes behind them? I guess I have to come up with something that is not so repetitive.

Am I getting better at this story? Review and tell me. :)


	3. Hidden Secrets and Personal Journals

**#HiddenSecretsandPersonalJournals**

**Normal POV  
**

Carlos was sitting on his bed with his laptop in his lap. He was messaging Beck through messenger since his phone had died. He couldn't comprehend why he was so upset for no reason. So what, Kendall left without breaking up and saying goodbye and has met another person? Not a big deal.

Then why was he so upset?

_Carlos computer rings with an incoming video request. _He quickly presses accept, hoping that it can clear his mind from Kendall. "Hey, you." Carlos said happily into the screen with an abrupt smile.

"Hey, baby. What's wrong?" Beck asked. Carlos immediately blushed. He loves it when he calls him his baby.

"What do you mean?" Carlos asked.

"Well, you typed something of 'grmmblrasbllm' and that usually means someone is upset."

"Oh well it's nothing." Carlos lied. Honestly it was eating him from the inside out. He didn't understand the emotions that he was feeling. He had never felt it before in his life. He couldn't even detail it out.

"Are you sure this has nothing to do with Kendall?" Beck asked. He was worried for Carlos. He knew how much something this major could affect Carlos. He starts to get distracted from things, and most importantly, their relationship. Beck just doesn't want this to turn into a big deal.

"I'm sure." Carlos said.

"I love you, Carlos. It's late, you should get some sleep."

Carlos looked over his shoulder at the alarm clock on his nightstand. It was only 8, but Beck goes to bed pretty early.

"I love you too." Carlos replied as he smiled his usual innocent smile toward the webcam and ended to video chat. He truly loved his relationship with Beck. He felt like Beck paid attention to him more than anything. (Which he loves, because Carlos loves attention.) Carlos felt like whenever when he was with him, he was drifting on clouds.

That's the difference between Beck and Kendall. Beck likes to live recklessly, wild and free, but at the same time, he's tamed. While Kendall _could _have fun, but he would rather play his cards on the safe side. It's like the kind of fun Carlos likes, Kendall restricts himself from having.

Just then, James came in the room with a disappointed look on his face. Carlos could tell he must have went to the bathroom first because his hair looked perfectly gelled. Better gelled than what he saw when he came in.

"What's wrong?" Carlos asked.

James shut the door and locked it.

"What was that?" James asked back.

"What was what?" Carlos asked another question, pretending to be clueless about the situation. Carlos raised both of his eyebrows in question.

"You _know_ what I'm talking about." James said, not believing in Carlos' act. "You made everything awkward at the table."

"I'm sorry." Carlos apologized, looking down at his now closed laptop. "I really didn't mean to."

"Carlos," James walked over to Carlos and took his place on the edge of his bed. "I know this is about Kendall."

He didn't say anything back. He just lied his head back on the headboard. He was frustrated with himself that after all this time, he still couldn't control his emotions from showing to anybody and everybody.

_Ding._

Carlos checked his now charged enough phone he had lying on his stand and looked at the new notification across his screen.

_Beck Oliver: BTW, I'm coming over early tomorrow. ;) Sweet dreams._

Carlos dismissed the message and put his attention back on the tall man sitting at the corner of his bed.

"Can we talk about this tomorrow or something?." Carlos asks. Usually, when Carlos says that, he really means _'Lets just stop talking about it.' _James didn't feel like arguing with him at the moment. In a way, he could see where Carlos is coming from. And if the situation was reversed between him and Carlos, truthfully, he would be doing the same thing.

James let out a long sigh and lifted himself up from the bed. "Alright." He could perceive by the look in Carlos' eyes that he was getting sleepy. "Want me to save you some food?" James asked after halting himself at the door.

"Sure." Carlos responded. "Goodnight."

After making sure James was fully out the door, Carlos reached under his bed and started to feel for something in particular. Something square-ish and medium and size. He moved his hand about till he felt something similar and pulled it from underneath his bed.

His Journal.

* * *

"Mmm. Beck". Carlos moaned as Beck was making his attack on his neck, making his caramel brown skin turn to light purple. They were both lying in Carlos' bed. Becks body was on top of Carlos', but not too much that he couldn't handle the pressure. Carlos had his legs wrapped tightly around Becks waist as he continued making his mark practically on every inch of his body. But Carlos didn't mind though, he felt like he was in total bliss.

"Yeah? You like this, don't you?" Carlos hears Beck ask him, but he was too lost in the situation to answer. Carlos felt Becks hands trail up his torso as his thumb brushed against his nipples. Carlos felt him lean down and hover over his right one and started to suck gently on the very sensitive skin.

"Ohhh- Beck- Please..." Carlos managed to moan out. Beck started to suck harder, lapping his tongue around the tip. He started to kiss lower, each kiss falling within a straight line. He stopped when he reached the hem of the Latinos boxers.

"Are you ready?" The changed voice asked. Carlos ran his hands through the other boys hair until he stopped and noticed something different. Becks hair wasn't as soft as it usually was. As many times Carlos ran his hands though Becks hair, he surely noticed how to texture felt different also.

He lifted his head from the comfortable position he had in the pillows, and seen that his hands weren't in a chestnut brown person hair, instead it was in a dirty blondes.

"Kendall?!" Carlos shouted, to surprised to make another move. He couldn't feel his heart beating like it was just a few seconds ago.

Carlos woke up with a jump. His breath was unstable and he felt a slightly damp spot near in his boxers and stomach area. He slowly lifted to covers, silently hoping that it wasn't what he thought it was. And it wasn't; it was just sweat. Carlos felt a huge relief move from his chest as he leaned over for his nightstand the check his iPhone.

2:47AM.

Carlos let out a big sigh, thankful that that was al just a dream. A very, confusing, non-understandable dream. He looked around the room and noticed he was in complete darkness. James must had turned everything off when he went to bed. Carlos placed his phone back on the nightstand and laid himself back onto his pillows, and soon drifted to sleep.

* * *

**Carlos' POV (8:38AM)**

I woke up to the familiar smell of chocolate chip pancakes, smoked sausage, and other foods that blended in with the others that he couldn't determine. He _loved _waking up to that smell. Sometimes, it's the best breakfast Mama Knight ever makes. Not to mention it is the _only _breakfast she ever makes. But the smell wasn't as distant than usual. It smelled so close, like, in the same room close.

"Well, good morning beautiful." I hear my boyfriend say.

I raised myself up onto the bed, and rested my back more on the head post.

"Be careful, I think your boyfriend might mind you calling other people beautiful." I joked.

"I should, shouldn't I?" Beck joked back. "He was always the jealous type." He said leaning closer to my face.

I couldn't help but giggle and give him a long, but emotional kiss. I always loved how it didn't even have take five seconds before it turned into a full make out session. It's what I loved about our relationship. We can't do anything simple with each other for one second for it to turn into a wild session of whatever we're doing.

"I made you some- - food." Beck said between kisses. I decided to break the kiss as I licked my bottom lip, still tasting Becks lips on mine. I looked down at my plate full of the delicious food. Wait did he say he made this?

"You made this?" I ask with raised eyebrows, questioning his skills of cooking.

"Yeah. I asked Mrs. Knight if I could borrow the kitchen for a moment and she said yes, so I decided to make you some breakfast." He said, kissing my forehead. He planted himself lightly on my bed beside me.

I grabbed the fork and took a bite of the chocolate chip pancakes first since those were my favorite. "These are delicious."

"Thank you." He replied. I started to take another bite. Even though I hate to admit it, these are ten times better than Mama Knights.

"You're so perfect." He whispered into my ear. I had to force every inch of my body not to let itself push him against the bed and have my way with him. Even though I know that's what he wants, and I do too. But I don't think it's the right time...yet.

I pulled away and I gave him an '_I'm sorry_' look. I really want to...make love with him, but I just don't feel ready. I just don't want to obligate myself into doing something that I'm still preparing for.

"I get it." Beck said, looking into my eyes and understanding my situation. I felt a rush a guilt wave over me because I know how badly he wants this. Not in a 'just to have sex' way, but in a more deeper, more loving and compassionate way. A much deeper way that I know only us could feel.

"Anyway. I have to go to a doctors appointment in half an hour. How about I call you later?" Beck asked making his way towards the door.

"Okay." I said, taking another bite of my still warm pancakes. "Thanks for the breakfast."

"Anytime." He winked and walked out the door.

* * *

**Kendall POV (1:00PM)**

I made my way towards the living room to watch some TV. Right now I was in the mood for anything; except the Tiger Beat channel. I don't want to hear another rumor on how I made Big Time Rush split up. In a way, I felt like I did since I was the leader of the group, and I just all of a sudden vanished from it.

I really didn't mean for things to change drastically like this. All what I supposed to do was stay for a couple days to spend time with Donald, and fly back to Los Angeles when we were done. But instead I let him guilt trick me into staying with him for a whole two years. He showed me all the things that I was missing back home. The mall, the people, the cold air. Although I really didn't miss that as much as I thought I would. And most importantly my pet pig, Yuma.

"What are you watching?" I hear James ask from behind me.

"I don't know. I was just flippin' through channels so far."

"Cool." James jumped over the coach and heavily landed next to me, causing my body to lean more towards him. "My bad." He chuckled.

I smiled and went back to channel surfing while James pulled his phone through his pocket and started to check his Twitter.

"Hey, my phone is about to die. Do you mind getting the charger?" He asked me

I looked at him and rolled my eyes. I really didn't feel like it.

"I'll give you ten dollars?" He said, which automatically made me change my decision.

"Alright." I said, getting up from my spot to his and Carlos' shared room. As I was walking, I heard Carlos taking a shower. He would always used to sing faintly so that he wouldn't disturb anyone else in the house. It's cute. I missed that.

I opened the door and looked near James side and walked toward his bed. There's usually a white charger in the plug slot but I didn't see it. I started to look more to the left, moving my feet and arching my back to get a closer look at the ground so I don't miss anything. But I still didn't see it. It got a little bit messier from there, so I knew I was going more over to Carlos' side. I was about to give up when I found something white underneath a pair of jeans.

I pulled it out but sadly it wasn't a charger. Instead, it was a journal.

Carlos' journal.

I know I shouldn't look through it, because I know that's the right thing to do. But something deep in me is urging me to just...read. I opened his journal and searched for the newest entry. Luckily they were sorted by date. I thought that maybe it would be filled with irrelevant stuff like something about his helmet, but I was mistaken when I saw a lot of pages full talking about his day.

Finally I reached the newest entry.

_2/19/14 I'm too sleepy to tell the time._

_Journal. I have to tell you a secret. Think you can keep it? I was dreaming last night, but it wasn't just any dream, it was a sex dream. It was at night and I think no one was home. I saw Beck on top of me, giving me hickeys all down my body. And it felt AMAZING! I had never had a dream that was so vivid like this one. It was also weird because I could actually feel and control what was going on. Anyway, he was kissing my stomach and was about to pull down my boxers when I noticed something felt different. I looked up at him and all of a sudden he changed into Kendall._

I felt my heart skip a beat when I saw my name.

_Do you know what this dream means? Lately, I've been thinking about making love with Beck because I know he wants to do the same. And plus it's getting to that time. You know that time when two people really love each other and they want to express... you know what I mean. I really love Beck._

_Or does this mean that Kendall is a better option? Ugh! I wish you were a real person so you could actually talk back. I wonder what you would look like as a person. Wait, what? I don't know how I feel about Kendall. It's a mix between love and hate. I love everything about him, we had the perfect relationship. At least in my eyes we did._

In my eyes, too.

_But I hate him for leaving and that cause just seems to stand out above all the others. Now me and Beck are dating and... I feel like this is perfect. Well I'm getting sleepier so I'll write later. Lets just keep this our hidden secret._

And that was the last of the page. I don't really know how I am feeling at the moment. I still LOVE Carlos. Nothing will ever change that. And about the Beck thing... I just have to make sure that they don't make love. I need time to show Carlos that he still loves me. I can feel it.

I heard the shower and Carlos' singing stop, making me stop cold. I quickly shut his journal and put it back like where I found it and rushed out of the room.

"Sorry, James. I couldn't find it." I said, making my way to the orange couch.

* * *

**Authors Note: **Even I am starting to feel this story. Are you? Why don't you **REVIEW **and tell me? Also **FOLLOW **if you like it too. Just saying. :) Thanks to everyone who did review by the way. **Susuki6789, Kat nee-san, and a guest** who I don't think has an account. I love you all, my FanFiction family. :)

About the hashtag thing... I don't even know. Social media is corrupting my mind.


	4. Worries and Arguments

**Kendall POV**

The anticipation I felt, the hopefulness, the nervousness, the guilt, the anger, everything that I am feeling now that I have felt in the past doesn't compare to how I am feeling now.

The hopefulness I feel inside that Carlos and I might have a chance of finally getting back together boils inside me with such excitement that I don't know how I am keeping together with myself right now. The guilt I feel for even reading Carlos' journal, the safety he retreats to when he doesn't want to, well _can't _tell anyone else. But the anger I feel knowing that I might be in a love triangle with Beck. No matter how much I try to dismiss the thought, it boomerangs back like, well, a boomerang.

_"Through the trees, I'll find you, you are not alone.." _I hear my phone ring in my pocket. I lazily dug into my pocket, not caring if I miss the call or not. Right now, I just feel like I should be left alone. I looked at the called ID screen.

Tori Vega.

Well, for her I'll make an exception. I slid the screen to answer.

"Hey, Vega." I said with a replaced cheerful tone.

"Hey Knight. What are you doing?"

"Lying on my bed, thinking."

"About?" She asked.

I didn't want to state my problem out indirectly. If I did, I would probably get a lecture about how it's wrong to snoop through people's stuff and all that. Blah Blah Blah.

"How would you feel if Trina read your diary?" I asked, trying to hide my problem discreetly as I can.

"Well," She started. I could tell she was drinking something on the other end. "I don't really keep a diary, but if Trina _did _go through it, I wouldn't be too happy with her. I mean, she's done _a lot _of crazy things, but I don't think she will do something that low."

"Oh." I responded.

"Why, did someone read through your journal or something?" She asked.

"No, I kind of read through theirs."

"Who's did you read through?"

Even though I was over the phone, I was kind of shy to tell her.

"Carlos'." I admit.

"WHAT?! Kendall you can't do that!" I felt the guilt start to pressure on me more and more.

"I know. But I was just looking for James' charger and then I found it on the floor and I just, sort of, read through it. A little."

"How much did you read?" She asked. The question I was hoping that she _wouldn't._

"Enough to know he had a wet dream about me and his boyfriend." I spilled.

She sighed. "Look, I gotta go, Trina is complaining about something. But, just to help, try not to read though it again? You don't want to get caught."

"Hey, before you go, do you mind coming over later?" I ask. "No one is here and I need someone to talk to."

"Yeah, sure. I'll be there in a few." She said.

And then the line was dead. God, she is so much like Camille.

* * *

**Becks POV**

We were all at the pizza parlor. Kendall's mom invited me out for some pizza with James, Logan, and Katie hours after my appointment while Kendall stayed home. To be honest, I'm kind of glad he didn't come. It would have been awkward and I know that it would be a huge distraction for Carlos if he was here, and I wouldn't want that.

Ms. Knight gave me and Carlos a booth by ourselves, since she doesn't want to _'ruin our date.' _The weird thing is about right now is, Carlos hasn't said a single word since I had gotten here.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

But he didn't say anything in response. He was just looking down at his plate.

"Hey," I said, snapping my fingers in front of his face. This seemed to get his attention.

"Hm?"

"I asked what's wrong and you just kept staring down." I said, with a smile, hoping that it would cheer him up a little.

"Oh, sorry." He apologized.

I raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to answer my previous question. "So what's wrong?"

"I was just thinking." He says, his eyes remaining down.

"About?"

"Me and you." His personality seemed kind of... damped. I just hope he is not thinking about breaking up, or if I am going to leave him. I would do anything for him. Take a bullet, you name it. I would never even think about leaving him. He is the world in my hands, so precious and fragile. I would not even think twice about breaking his heart.

"Hey," I say, lifting his chin up to look at me. "If you're thinking about if I'm going to leave you anytime soon, I'm not. You're my everything, and I love you." I say.

I reached over the table to give him a kiss on the forehead. Hopefully that would cheer him up a little.

"Thanks." He gave me half smile and I gave him one in return. "And I love you too."

I could see over Carlos that Ms. Knight was trying to see what we were talking about. But who could blame her, wouldn't every mom do the same?

* * *

**Carlos' POV**

I know that everything Beck said was true. I really love him for that. But that was not if I was really thinking about. I just couldn't help but to remember the dream. All of a sudden, I totally forget about it, completely. But then it just takes one action just to make me remember again. I don't get it. It just drives me insane.

"Beck?" I asked. Pulling his attention away from his pizza.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think were going to be together forever?" I ask.

As soon as I finished my sentence, I felt like retracting it completely. What if he says no? What if he gets tired of me in the future and decides to break up. He said he is not going to leave me, but why can't I believe it? All the pressure I was thinking with started to descend down to my chest.

"Well that's up to you. I told you I would never leave _you_. Would you ever leave _me_?"

"Of course not." I say instantly.

"Okay," He said, starting to take another bite of the extra cheese pizza. "then stop worrying about the future, and eat you slice. I don't want my future husband to starve to death.

"Husband?" I said with excitement. I know we're both not ready for it yet, but the thought of us being married just makes me want to...explode.

He just winked in return.

* * *

**Kendall POV**

Tori came over. It just felt like a normal afternoon of sitting on the couch, watching TV, and eating random stuff we could find in the pantry. Since every one of the boys were out, I guess you could call her their replacement.

"So have you and him made any contact yet?" She asked.

"Who?" I ask, completely knowing _'who' _she is talking about.

"You know who."

I sighed and slightly rolled my eyes.

"Nope. He's probably still blaming me for ending our group and stuff like that." I say, taking a sip out of my can of Dr. Pepper.

They heard the doorbell ring and someone coming in the door.

"Knock knock." I heard a female voice call, seeing a long haired blonde walk in.

"Jo?" I ask.

"Hey Kendall." I finally stood up to receive one of her famous hugs.

"Who's this?" She asked, pointing to Tori.

"This, is Tori Vega." I tell her.

I saw her face expression change completely after I said her name. It changed from nice and sweet, to mean and livid.

"Tori Vega? As in Beck Oliver's best friend?"

How did she know about him?

"I'm sorry, did I miss something?" I hear Tori say from behind me. She stood up and came closer to me and Jo.

"Beck Oliver stole Carlos from Kendall. I figured _you_ would know that."

"What?" Tori asked, unknowing what he was talking about. She turned to me and I knew she wanted an explanation.

"Carlos is dating someone named Beck. You know him?" I ask her.

"Yeah, he's my best friend. How does she know him and most importantly, how does she know me?"

Jo just rolled her eyes and crossed her arms.

"I do my research. After Kendall left, Carlos instantly started dating Beck. It was weird that Carlos would just date someone that just popped out of no where right after Kendall left, so I decided to look him up and I came across his TheSlap page. And turns out his number one top friend on there is you. Seems like you two can get pretty flirty online."

I felt the tension in the room started to grow as Jo inched closer to Tori. I know Jo isn't much of the fighting kind of girl, but she can get pretty scrappy when she's offended. And Tori, well, I don't know about her.

"First, Beck is bisexual and he mostly likes guys. Second, were just friends, so you couldn't have seen much 'flirting' going on. Seems like you aren't so good at doing your 'research' are you?" Tori said, crossing her arms and getting closer to Jo.

I didn't know if I should say anything. I just kind of stood there. I know that if someone tries to break up a girl fight, the third person usually gets hurt in the process. But if I break this up now, I could save this fist fight before it happens, and importantly, this apartment.

I could see the death staring glares they were giving each other and I knew this was not going to end well.

**Katie's POV**

Finally! We're about to leave the pizza parlor. I wish I was seated with Carlos and Beck so I wouldn't hear my mom talk about how she loves how Carlos is finally happy. But I get it, we all are glad he's happy. After Kendall left we thought that Carlos was never going to come out of his dark emotional phase. He started wearing dark clothing, wouldn't even sing around the apartment anymore, sometimes he wouldn't even get out of bed. It was getting too out of hand.

But luckily, before it got any worse, and I don't know how he even did it, Beck cheered him up. Beck forced him to get out of his bed, started to make him dress...not so dark, and made him get more social progressively. And shortly afterwards, they told us that they were dating. Even though we all knew it was coming.

"Hey, Beck. Do you need us to give you a ride home?" I hear my mom ask, leaving a twenty dollar tip on the table.

"No thanks. I don't live very far from here. And plus it's nice outside for a walk." Beck answered.

Got to love California weather right?

"Are you sure?" She asked again.

"Positive."

My cell phone started to vibrate in my pocket. I dug for it in my left as I quickly pulled it out and saw a text from Kendall.

_Jo and Tori problem. Get home quick._

**Authors Note, Edit: **I just made little changes and added Katie's POV. **REVIEW,FOLLOW, and FAVORITE! Please. :)**

-hiddensecretxc


	5. Boulevards and Coffees

**Carlos' POV**

We returned home to an intense atmosphere lingering in the air heavily. It was Kendall's new friend and Jo arguing back and forth, and by the looks of it, it seems like they were going to pounce on each other any second now. Mama K pushed passed us and quickly rushed to the brunette and the blonde before anything else could happen.

"Hey! Hey, Hey!" She yelled, trying to interrupt their quarrel separating them both with the ends of her hands. "What's going on in here?"

"Ask her. She is the one who made Beck steal Carlos from Kendall." Jo said, pointing to the other girl who's name I forgot to remember.

It seemed like everyone else was doing something except for me. I just felt like I couldn't move. When she that sentence, my name, my name and Kendall's in the same sentence, I just froze. Did she really make him? Wait, what am I talking about? He would never date me because someone forced him to. He's not that kind of person. He loves me and I know it. So well in fact, that I can practically feel it.

And Kendall practically broke up with me by leaving.

"I DIDNT MAKE HIM STEAL ANYONE!" the brunette argued back. They went to arguing simultaneously again over Mama Knight. I could sense that she was getting tired of it and was about to yell for herself. If I were in her place, I would do the same thing.

I didn't notice how James, Logan, and Katie were on the couch watching the situation descend.

"GIRLS, STOP IT RIGHT NOW!" Mama K finally burst. "TORI, WHY DONT YOU GO HOME AND CALM DOWN. THE SAME FOR YOU, JO."

Tori. That was her name. She and Jo were staring at each other deathly, contemplating which either one of them should make the first move. Tori finally made the first move. She grabbed her purse from the couch and started to leave.

We all stared at Jo, wondering when she was going to leave. She just stood and crossed her arms. I think she was waiting for Tori to leave the building so she could make sure she wouldn't see her. But I'm not sure. Her face was too red and flustered to tell.

She sighed and started to make her way out the door.

"Well after that, I think I need an aspirin." Mama K said before leaving to her room.

There was a couple seconds of silence before someone finally spoke.

"Well that was..." James started. "something. I'll be in my room for a while. Carlos, you might want to wait a while before coming in." James said as he rushed to our room.

"I'll be at the pool." Katie said as she made her way out the apartment too.

And Logan was the only one left. I really didn't want him to leave. I wanted him to stay and save me from the shamefulness an the embarrassment that was to come moments later after he leaves. I cant go to my room because James is having his 'personal time' in there. I can't go to the pool because Katie is there and the last time I hung out with her near the pool I almost drowned. It's a very long story. I just hope that Logan would maybe ask me to come with him somewhere and be the barrier for the awkwardness.

"I think I am going to go read a book." Logan said, walking to his and Kendall's room.

And my barrier had failed.

It was only me and Kendall left. I felt all the emotions I was talking about before started to fill in the air. We didn't even bother look at each other, we both just stared at the ground. I started to play with my feet, deciding on what to do to save me from this. How come I feel like I can never have an escape in situations like this? I wished life would have it's own escape key.

I made up my mind and decided to walk the hallways of the apartment. I made my way towards the door and stopped when I heard Kendall call my name.

**Kendall POV**

"Carlos." I forced out. "Wait."

It's been a couple of days and we still hadn't talked yet. I have been waiting for the right time to talk to him when we were alone together to talk. And I think this is that time. The time to tell him that I feel and to tell him that there is no lost love for him in my heart.

But I'm scared. I'm scared that Carlos wouldn't forgive me and that he will never talk to me ever again. I don't mean to sound like a hopeless romantic, but if he were never to talk to me again, I honestly do not know what I would do.

He looks at me and I see the look in his eyes. The look when two people had just got out of a relationship and they're talking for the first time again. That's how it looks. And it breaks my heart.

"Um," I started, looking for the right words to say. "I was thinking we should talk."

_That was stupid. Come on, Kendall. You can say something better than that._

"About?" he asks, looking back down at the ground.

"I think you know." I wanted him to know that I felt shameful for making such a stupid decision. I wanted him to feel that there IS a fighting chance for us. I know there is and he knows too. I wanted him to feel how upset I also am for letting him slip away to another person. Especially to a person who I don't trust.

"Kendall, I don't feel like talking about us right now." Carlos said. I was hoping he could see how desperate I was in my face so he could change his decision.

"Carlos, please."

"Kendall do you know how I felt when you left?" He asked.

I can't even imagine.

"Do you know how bad I felt when you left because I thought it was my fault? Every single day, every memory, every thought kept coming back to me every second that it physically hurt me so much, I couldn't even bare to hear your name! But then it took one person to make me feel alive again. The same person who you couldn't seem to get over because you let your jealousy get in the way."

I can see him tearing up. It's the saddest thing ever to stand there watching the person you love about to cry right in front of you. I wanted to walk and comfort him and hold him in my arms to let him know I guilty I am. Even more than before. But I know I can't.

"Carlos," I started. My heart in two. "I'm so sorry." I started to get closer to him, deciding to take the chance to embrace him.

"No" Carlos shouted motioning me to stay in my place. "Just don't come near me right now."

He was fully in tears now. I couldn't blame myself more for this situation I had caused right in front of me. I felt my heart rip from my chest painfully. How could I even bare to make someone like Carlos cry?

I truly am an asshole.

He left out the front door quickly. Something told me not to go after him, so I didn't. I really didn't mean to cause all of this. I didn't expect that it will be this bad. I guess I should have never came back.

I give up. I'm not going to try anymore. This is all too much.

"He's right, you know." Katie said from beside me, shocking me a little.

"Katie? How did you get back in? I thought you went to the pool?"

"I did." she said, blinking numerously.

"So how did you get back-

"That doesn't matter" she interrupted.

I sighed and implanted myself on the coach. Images of what happened less than a minute ago quickly flashed as soon as my eyes were shut. There were so many things I could have said. So many things that I could have said differently to prevent him from getting him hurt.

_Kendall, you're such a screw-up._

"So what happened" Katie asked. She pushed her hair behind her ears so it wouldn't be in the way of her gazing at me. It is something she does when she really wants to get an answer from someone. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

"Nothing. It doesn't matter anymore." I say to her as I turned over so she wouldn't have to look at me.

"Is this because of what happened between you and Carlos?"

I turned over, once again, towards her gaze. I wasn't surprised that she knew. She practically knows everything.

"Did you hear?" I ask.

"Who didn't?"

"Listen, unless you're going to give me some pointers on how I could earn back Carlos' trust and take me back into welcoming arms, I really don't feel like hearing anything. I already feel guilty enough as it is.

She sighed and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, Kendall. But if I were in your place, I wouldn't stop trying."

* * *

**No POV**

Carlos walked down the street of Vine angrily. He couldn't believe after all this time without Kendall, that he could still drive him to the point of tears like that. Carlos thought he was over it, over him, but it was clear to him that he obviously wasn't.

On the way to nowhere, Carlos had stopped by his favorite coffee place. Starbucks. He doesn't go to Starbucks often because he was super energetic enough without the coffee, but sometimes when he was in a mood like this, he would make an exception.

He ordered something random off the new menu since they ran out of what he wanted. The name sounded familiar to Carlos. He thought that he must have heard it somewhere a million times in his life, but for some reason, he couldn't remember what it was.

But he ordered it anyway.

So there he was, taking deep breaths, walking slowly down the corner of Vine and Sunset trying to calm himself down from earlier. It seemed like the coffee he ordered definitely did the trick. It made him calm down, it made his heart stop beating as fast as it was earlier. Matter of fact, it made his heart beat slower than normal.

Carlos vision started to get hazy as he felt himself start to sway. He couldn't control himself for some reason. He felt like his throat was closing up on him by the second making it harder for him to breathe.

"Hey, are you okay?" a voice ask front of him. Carlos looked and saw a tall brunette standing in front of him.

"Yeah." Carlos said. "I'm just really tired. Really...really...really-

That was all that he could say before his vision finally faded to black.


End file.
